HOLY SNOW.
So remember that blizzard I was talking about on Monday night? Yeah. Well apparently it decided it liked Indiana a lot, and never felt the need to leave. We've probably gotten about a foot of snow in the past 2 days. I've shoveled the driveway 2 times, and it doesn't even make a difference because of how fast the snow falls. At least, though, it's the really light, fluffy, powdery kind. So it's easy to clean up/brush/shovel. I attempted to use a snow brush to clean all the snow off my car so I could dig it out to get to class today, but that didn't even work. I actually had to use a SHOVEL to get all the snow off that was piled on my car. Sheesh.
My day wasn't that great, either. I woke up feeling not so hot, so I had to cancel lunch on M so I could sleep in. I just felt kind of icky all afternoon, I don't know what that was all about. My evening class got canceled though. (yay!) The bf and I went to steak and shake for dinner, that was nice. It's been a long time since we'd been there, and I always forget how good the food is. I had coupons too, so we saved some money! After that I had a run-through/dress rehearsal for the horn recital. Thankfully that went well and I actually feel like I'm ready for the recital this weekend -- whew. I was having a lot of doubts about it back in December, but I put in a lot of hard work on the pieces, and it's finally paid off. What a good feeling.
I'm gonna hit the sack even though it's before midnight, which is very unusual for me. I have to work at 8 in the morning....boo. I'm hoping the university will cancel classes for tomorrow, that would be AWESOME! We'll see. Either way, I have an early morning, so I must get some sleep. It's almost thursday though, which means it's almost friday!! :)
1.14.2009
1.12.2009
Dear snow, please accumulate accordingly so that tomorrow I can have a snow day.
I'm at work right now, and there's a blizzard outside.
Seriously.
It's crazy. We're supposed to get snow tonight throughout Wednesday, with high winds and below-zero windchills. Yeeesh. So, I am hoping and praying perhaps the university will be kind to us and give us a snow day....that would be truly awesome. But, it's college, and in my 3.5 years here, we've only had 3 snow days. I guess we'll just have to see!
I think I'm coming down with something....I feel like crap right now. My throat's a bit sore, I am achy, my nose feels funny, and I just want to go to SLEEEEP. for forever and ever. Ugh. I hate getting sick!! Sorry to be a negative nancy today.
I got out of class early this afternoon so I went on a little solo road trip, headed about 35 miles north to an outlet mall! Never been there before, and I got a little lost trying to get there. But I made it, and couldn't believe how many stores they had, including: Coach, Hollister, Gap, Old Navy, Chanel, Maurices, Guess, Banana Republic, Burberry, Calvin Klein, J. Crew, Fossil....you get the idea! It wasn't crowded at all, being a Monday afternoon. So I browsed for a few hours, and finally ended up getting some clothes at Maurices. I found a top to wear to my recital this Saturday...nothing fancy (I'm the accompanist, so I'm not really supposed to stand out), so I'm just wearing black pants and heels, then the shirt I found is a cute 3/4 length black top with polka dot edging. It's simple, and cute, but looks nice. It cuts lower in the back, so I'm going to wear my hair up to show that off. Anyway, I'm excited, and relieved I finally found something to wear. Scratch that off my list.
My evening class that I have Monday and Wednesday was kind of boring tonight. I don't like classes where I have to sit for more than an hour, and this was a 75 minute class. But , it's interesting most of the time -- Creative Writing, which I absolutely love. I just wanted to get out of there. Then I went straight from class to work, and i am utterly BORED here and just want to go home and crawl into my bed. 2 more hours. sigh.
On a positive note, today is 14 months with the boy :) We met for lunch, but I haven't seen him since then. Mondays are pretty busy for both of us. Tomorrow is a little lighter schedule for me. I get done at 7:30 pm, so then I can just go home and put my feet up!!
Alright. I'm gonna try and get some reading/homework done while I'm here at work because I know I won't feel like doing it later. Cheers!
Seriously.
It's crazy. We're supposed to get snow tonight throughout Wednesday, with high winds and below-zero windchills. Yeeesh. So, I am hoping and praying perhaps the university will be kind to us and give us a snow day....that would be truly awesome. But, it's college, and in my 3.5 years here, we've only had 3 snow days. I guess we'll just have to see!
I think I'm coming down with something....I feel like crap right now. My throat's a bit sore, I am achy, my nose feels funny, and I just want to go to SLEEEEP. for forever and ever. Ugh. I hate getting sick!! Sorry to be a negative nancy today.
I got out of class early this afternoon so I went on a little solo road trip, headed about 35 miles north to an outlet mall! Never been there before, and I got a little lost trying to get there. But I made it, and couldn't believe how many stores they had, including: Coach, Hollister, Gap, Old Navy, Chanel, Maurices, Guess, Banana Republic, Burberry, Calvin Klein, J. Crew, Fossil....you get the idea! It wasn't crowded at all, being a Monday afternoon. So I browsed for a few hours, and finally ended up getting some clothes at Maurices. I found a top to wear to my recital this Saturday...nothing fancy (I'm the accompanist, so I'm not really supposed to stand out), so I'm just wearing black pants and heels, then the shirt I found is a cute 3/4 length black top with polka dot edging. It's simple, and cute, but looks nice. It cuts lower in the back, so I'm going to wear my hair up to show that off. Anyway, I'm excited, and relieved I finally found something to wear. Scratch that off my list.
My evening class that I have Monday and Wednesday was kind of boring tonight. I don't like classes where I have to sit for more than an hour, and this was a 75 minute class. But , it's interesting most of the time -- Creative Writing, which I absolutely love. I just wanted to get out of there. Then I went straight from class to work, and i am utterly BORED here and just want to go home and crawl into my bed. 2 more hours. sigh.
On a positive note, today is 14 months with the boy :) We met for lunch, but I haven't seen him since then. Mondays are pretty busy for both of us. Tomorrow is a little lighter schedule for me. I get done at 7:30 pm, so then I can just go home and put my feet up!!
Alright. I'm gonna try and get some reading/homework done while I'm here at work because I know I won't feel like doing it later. Cheers!
1.11.2009
...and we're back to the books.
Weekend's over. Oh, how I cringe when saying that.
It went by entirely too fast, as it usually does. However, I would consider it a productive one, and sometimes, especially for me, I can't say those occur too often. Yesterday morning I had to work from 8 am to 12 pm. I know! Who wants to work at 8 am on a Saturday!!! Evil, pure evil I tell you. However, the bf was a sweetie and came and brought me coffee and some breakfast. :)
Yesterday afternoon I had a rehearsal with my horn player who I am accompanying for her senior recital next weekend. It's gonna be a great recital, and I'm excited to be a part of it. Then I went home and took a nap for a few hours, which was absolutely GLORIOUS. My close friend Amanda was in town all weekend. She was my roommate from freshman year, and is one of my best friends. Unfortunately she had to leave our school last spring due to an illness, and is now back at home in Ohio, taking classes at a local college. I don't get to see her much but miss her terribly. Anyway, she came to visit this weekend, so last night we went out to Chile's for dinner and caught up. It was so much fun! Last night I stayed in, but it felt nice. Mark came over and we basically just cuddled on the sofa and watched tv together. It was a really nice chance for us to talk about some things, too. We are usually so busy during the week , I mean, we definitely SEE each other, but it's usually inbetween classes, or one of us has to run off to a rehearsal, or we eat a meal together, but homework and other things are always looming on the horizon. It was nice to spend some time together and relax, and just be.
I decided to skip church this morning to sleep in. I didn't feel very well when I woke up, and I must have slept on my neck funny , because it hurt like the dickens this morning. I was figuring today would be a "lazy Sunday", but I actually felt motivated. I spent the whole afternoon cleaning the kitchen, reorganizing my food in the pantry, gathering up all the garbage/recycling from my room, and vacuuming. It felt really good. Now my room's all clean and I know I will sleep better knowing I am going into a new week with everything being clean and organized. Don't you love that feeling?
The upcoming week is going to be CRAZY. It's only gonna be the first full week of classes, but there's still a lot going on. Julie (the horn player) and I are practicing together almost every night in preparation for the recital. I have to work a lot this week, plus get started on all the homework and reading that's been assigned. Also, music lessons start this week. That means a piano lesson for me, and then I have about 5 voice lessons to accompany. It's gonna be busy. BUT I'm hoping it will be another positive week. I still can't believe that the whole past week went so well for me. Hopefully it keeps up for me. I'm going to try to get some extra sleep tonight ( I don't have class until 12:55 tomorrow) so I can go into the week having some energy and feeling rested. goodnight to all!
It went by entirely too fast, as it usually does. However, I would consider it a productive one, and sometimes, especially for me, I can't say those occur too often. Yesterday morning I had to work from 8 am to 12 pm. I know! Who wants to work at 8 am on a Saturday!!! Evil, pure evil I tell you. However, the bf was a sweetie and came and brought me coffee and some breakfast. :)
Yesterday afternoon I had a rehearsal with my horn player who I am accompanying for her senior recital next weekend. It's gonna be a great recital, and I'm excited to be a part of it. Then I went home and took a nap for a few hours, which was absolutely GLORIOUS. My close friend Amanda was in town all weekend. She was my roommate from freshman year, and is one of my best friends. Unfortunately she had to leave our school last spring due to an illness, and is now back at home in Ohio, taking classes at a local college. I don't get to see her much but miss her terribly. Anyway, she came to visit this weekend, so last night we went out to Chile's for dinner and caught up. It was so much fun! Last night I stayed in, but it felt nice. Mark came over and we basically just cuddled on the sofa and watched tv together. It was a really nice chance for us to talk about some things, too. We are usually so busy during the week , I mean, we definitely SEE each other, but it's usually inbetween classes, or one of us has to run off to a rehearsal, or we eat a meal together, but homework and other things are always looming on the horizon. It was nice to spend some time together and relax, and just be.
I decided to skip church this morning to sleep in. I didn't feel very well when I woke up, and I must have slept on my neck funny , because it hurt like the dickens this morning. I was figuring today would be a "lazy Sunday", but I actually felt motivated. I spent the whole afternoon cleaning the kitchen, reorganizing my food in the pantry, gathering up all the garbage/recycling from my room, and vacuuming. It felt really good. Now my room's all clean and I know I will sleep better knowing I am going into a new week with everything being clean and organized. Don't you love that feeling?
The upcoming week is going to be CRAZY. It's only gonna be the first full week of classes, but there's still a lot going on. Julie (the horn player) and I are practicing together almost every night in preparation for the recital. I have to work a lot this week, plus get started on all the homework and reading that's been assigned. Also, music lessons start this week. That means a piano lesson for me, and then I have about 5 voice lessons to accompany. It's gonna be busy. BUT I'm hoping it will be another positive week. I still can't believe that the whole past week went so well for me. Hopefully it keeps up for me. I'm going to try to get some extra sleep tonight ( I don't have class until 12:55 tomorrow) so I can go into the week having some energy and feeling rested. goodnight to all!
1.09.2009
On the power of music
Have you ever heard a piece of music that changed you, changed the way you feel about something, or someone? Have you ever heard a piece of music that had the power to draw emotion out of you that you never even knew you had in the first place?
Tonight, I was reminded once again why I am here. Why I do what I do. Why I love what I love.
Mark and I went to a faculty music recital tonight on campus -- one of our music professors was in it, but we weren't prepared for what we were about to hear. The program opened with a piece of music that is quite possibly one of the most moving, peaceful musical selections I have ever heard. It wasn't difficult or technical; it wasn't showy. It wasn't even written by a well-known composer. It was a duet for cello and piano called "Cancion en el Puerto" by Joaquin Heras.
We sat in about the 3rd row from the front, so close that literally the stage was at our fingertips. The cellist, his name is Andrew Snow, was someone I had never heard of or seen in my life, and yet, there was a sense of familiarity and comfort about him. It's a feeling I often get around fellow musicians. There's just that connection, you know? Anyway, not only was the music absolutely breathtaking, but the performance....experiencing the music live, and not only hearing it being created, but seeing it, was one of the most beautiful things I have ever been a part of. Andrew played that cello as if it was the last time he would ever hold it. He held the bow with the grace and delicacy of holding an infant, yet the sound that emerged from the instrument was full and rich, like smooth chocolate being poured , rippling and waving over itself. I could SEE the passion and love in the lines on his face, and through the dewy sheen of sweat that covered his skin. His eyes were closed, and he played effortlessly, like it was second nature -- like it was something he was born to do, and he couldn't stop if he tried.
The beauty of the music, and being part of that magical moment, where I am quite literally, one with the music, extracted these deep and intense emotions out of me -- emotions I haven't experience in a long time. It was like the the cello was reaching into my chest, through the cobwebs and dust, through all the messiness, and reaching straight to my core, until it reached my throbbing, pulsing, warm heart. In that moment, I felt this incredible sense of peace. I felt Mark's warm hand that was enclosed around mine. I felt the awe and inspiration of all the other people in the room. I felt Andrew Snow's passion and longing. I felt love, and happiness, and everything beyond that.
And not only that, but the woman who was playing the piano, accompanying him, was his wife. It was so incredible to see them interacting with each other, only through the music. It was almost like watching them make love on the stage, except it was through the notes and the music. They were seamless as a team, it was hard to tell where the piano left off and the cello began. They never gave any indication of their relationship on stage, (except as it was stated in the program), yet, it was so evident in how they played. It was so awesome to see a husband and wife performing music together, creating music together. It was intimate, yet it didn't feel like the audience was intruding on anything. They were sharing their gift with us, and doing it for the love of music, and their love for each other.
Here is a link to the piece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vyh6eicQQR8
It won't be the same experience watching it on Youtube that it was for me to see it performed live tonight, but it's just to give you an idea, and to introduce a beautiful piece of music that truly inspired me. Tonight, I was blessed with the reminder of how powerful music can be -- not just to music majors, or experts, but to anyone. Anyone -- no matter how young or old, rich or poor, from any and all walks of life -- can discover a deep connection to a piece of music. When you experience that, hold on to it and savor it. It is one of the few experiences on earth where we can feel a hundred emotions and hear a thousand words, without a single thing ever being spoken.
Tonight, I was reminded once again why I am here. Why I do what I do. Why I love what I love.
Mark and I went to a faculty music recital tonight on campus -- one of our music professors was in it, but we weren't prepared for what we were about to hear. The program opened with a piece of music that is quite possibly one of the most moving, peaceful musical selections I have ever heard. It wasn't difficult or technical; it wasn't showy. It wasn't even written by a well-known composer. It was a duet for cello and piano called "Cancion en el Puerto" by Joaquin Heras.
We sat in about the 3rd row from the front, so close that literally the stage was at our fingertips. The cellist, his name is Andrew Snow, was someone I had never heard of or seen in my life, and yet, there was a sense of familiarity and comfort about him. It's a feeling I often get around fellow musicians. There's just that connection, you know? Anyway, not only was the music absolutely breathtaking, but the performance....experiencing the music live, and not only hearing it being created, but seeing it, was one of the most beautiful things I have ever been a part of. Andrew played that cello as if it was the last time he would ever hold it. He held the bow with the grace and delicacy of holding an infant, yet the sound that emerged from the instrument was full and rich, like smooth chocolate being poured , rippling and waving over itself. I could SEE the passion and love in the lines on his face, and through the dewy sheen of sweat that covered his skin. His eyes were closed, and he played effortlessly, like it was second nature -- like it was something he was born to do, and he couldn't stop if he tried.
The beauty of the music, and being part of that magical moment, where I am quite literally, one with the music, extracted these deep and intense emotions out of me -- emotions I haven't experience in a long time. It was like the the cello was reaching into my chest, through the cobwebs and dust, through all the messiness, and reaching straight to my core, until it reached my throbbing, pulsing, warm heart. In that moment, I felt this incredible sense of peace. I felt Mark's warm hand that was enclosed around mine. I felt the awe and inspiration of all the other people in the room. I felt Andrew Snow's passion and longing. I felt love, and happiness, and everything beyond that.
And not only that, but the woman who was playing the piano, accompanying him, was his wife. It was so incredible to see them interacting with each other, only through the music. It was almost like watching them make love on the stage, except it was through the notes and the music. They were seamless as a team, it was hard to tell where the piano left off and the cello began. They never gave any indication of their relationship on stage, (except as it was stated in the program), yet, it was so evident in how they played. It was so awesome to see a husband and wife performing music together, creating music together. It was intimate, yet it didn't feel like the audience was intruding on anything. They were sharing their gift with us, and doing it for the love of music, and their love for each other.
Here is a link to the piece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vyh6eicQQR8
It won't be the same experience watching it on Youtube that it was for me to see it performed live tonight, but it's just to give you an idea, and to introduce a beautiful piece of music that truly inspired me. Tonight, I was blessed with the reminder of how powerful music can be -- not just to music majors, or experts, but to anyone. Anyone -- no matter how young or old, rich or poor, from any and all walks of life -- can discover a deep connection to a piece of music. When you experience that, hold on to it and savor it. It is one of the few experiences on earth where we can feel a hundred emotions and hear a thousand words, without a single thing ever being spoken.
Unexpected happiness.
It was a good day. :)
Wow, it feels good to say that. Good days for me come few and far between, so it's always a blessing when, at the end of the night, I can look back and recognize the good.
Despite having to wake up at 6:45 am and being dead tired at work, but I LOVE working in the new building! It's just so bright, big and cheery. I mean, how can you not be happy when you walk in there? It even smells brand new. I love that. Mark and I had a nice lunch together, then he had class. I trudged along to my Geomorphology class, and got the scoop on that. I think it's gonna be difficult, but manageable. Again, the professor is cool, he's hilarious. It's going to be an interesting subject because I've definitely never studied earth structures (dunes, glaciers, volcanoes), and why they are the way they are, but hopefully I'll learn something useful! haha.
I had a LONG day. I was on campus from 8 am to 8 pm. Finally I was done though, and Mark cooked dinner over at his house and it was all ready when I got there :) aww, he's such a sweetie to me. After dinner I came back to my apt. and just watched tv and chilled, which felt good.
I don't really have any "big news" about today, other than to say it was a good day. I had a lot of energy, I was optimistic for some reason, and I just felt good. Tomorrow's Friday, which is always just an awesome fact in itself. 2 classes to get through, a counseling appointment, then home free until Monday. Ahhh.
Hope everyone out in the bloggy world had a good day. Night. :)
Wow, it feels good to say that. Good days for me come few and far between, so it's always a blessing when, at the end of the night, I can look back and recognize the good.
Despite having to wake up at 6:45 am and being dead tired at work, but I LOVE working in the new building! It's just so bright, big and cheery. I mean, how can you not be happy when you walk in there? It even smells brand new. I love that. Mark and I had a nice lunch together, then he had class. I trudged along to my Geomorphology class, and got the scoop on that. I think it's gonna be difficult, but manageable. Again, the professor is cool, he's hilarious. It's going to be an interesting subject because I've definitely never studied earth structures (dunes, glaciers, volcanoes), and why they are the way they are, but hopefully I'll learn something useful! haha.
I had a LONG day. I was on campus from 8 am to 8 pm. Finally I was done though, and Mark cooked dinner over at his house and it was all ready when I got there :) aww, he's such a sweetie to me. After dinner I came back to my apt. and just watched tv and chilled, which felt good.
I don't really have any "big news" about today, other than to say it was a good day. I had a lot of energy, I was optimistic for some reason, and I just felt good. Tomorrow's Friday, which is always just an awesome fact in itself. 2 classes to get through, a counseling appointment, then home free until Monday. Ahhh.
Hope everyone out in the bloggy world had a good day. Night. :)
1.07.2009
New Beginnings
Well, I survived the first day. It was pretty neat, being back and around everyone and starting anew again. As much as I might complain about hating/fearing change, I really do like the feeling of being able to start over again, even if it's just for a new semester. New classes, new people, new professors, and another chance to tackle it all and see how well I succeed.
I came across something today that I found really profound and inspiring, and I think I'm going to make it my own personal mantra for this new year.
The 7-Ups for a New Year:
1. Wake up. Decide to have a good day.
"Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice & be glad in it" Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up - The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart"
I Sam 16:7
3 . Shut Up - Say nice things & learn to listen. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
"Listen to advice, accept instruction and in the end, you will be wise" Proverbs 19:20
4 . Stand Up - For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10
5 . Look Up - To the Lord.
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Phillipians 4:13
6 . Reach Up - For something higher. Always try to better yourself. Have FAITH.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews11:1
7 . Lift Up - Your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING" Phillipians 4:6
Anyway, I thought I'd pass that on to anyone else who wants to use it. :)
In other news, the 3 classes I had today seem to be do-able, and I'm confident I can pull an A in all of them if I put forth the required effort. All the professors actually seem nice too, sometimes there's always those ones where you can tell right away, they're gonna be hard to please, and really just load on the work, even if it's not necessary or relevant work. But these professors seem very down-to-earth, genuine, and compassionate -- and also, you can tell they really have a passion for what they teach. Sometimes that's hard to find, and as a student, it makes it a lot easier for me. Tomorrow I just have one class and one lab. But the yucky thing is I work from 8-11 am in the morning. I was the only one on our staff who didn't have a morning class on Thursday mornings, so I got stuck with the opening shift. I had an opening shift on Mondays last semester, which REALLY sucked, because not only was it 8 am, it was also a Monday, and that made it even harder to get out of bed. But hopefully this won't be too bad, especially because now we're in a brand new, 74 million dollar building! I love it. It's modern, it's contemporary, it's 4 times the size of our old Student Union, it's truly State of the Art, and I know I'm gonna enjoy working there a lot more because of that.
So anyway, I must get to bed because I have an early morning ahead of me... Goodnight.
I came across something today that I found really profound and inspiring, and I think I'm going to make it my own personal mantra for this new year.
The 7-Ups for a New Year:
1. Wake up. Decide to have a good day.
"Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice & be glad in it" Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up - The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart"
I Sam 16:7
3 . Shut Up - Say nice things & learn to listen. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
"Listen to advice, accept instruction and in the end, you will be wise" Proverbs 19:20
4 . Stand Up - For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10
5 . Look Up - To the Lord.
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Phillipians 4:13
6 . Reach Up - For something higher. Always try to better yourself. Have FAITH.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews11:1
7 . Lift Up - Your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING" Phillipians 4:6
Anyway, I thought I'd pass that on to anyone else who wants to use it. :)
In other news, the 3 classes I had today seem to be do-able, and I'm confident I can pull an A in all of them if I put forth the required effort. All the professors actually seem nice too, sometimes there's always those ones where you can tell right away, they're gonna be hard to please, and really just load on the work, even if it's not necessary or relevant work. But these professors seem very down-to-earth, genuine, and compassionate -- and also, you can tell they really have a passion for what they teach. Sometimes that's hard to find, and as a student, it makes it a lot easier for me. Tomorrow I just have one class and one lab. But the yucky thing is I work from 8-11 am in the morning. I was the only one on our staff who didn't have a morning class on Thursday mornings, so I got stuck with the opening shift. I had an opening shift on Mondays last semester, which REALLY sucked, because not only was it 8 am, it was also a Monday, and that made it even harder to get out of bed. But hopefully this won't be too bad, especially because now we're in a brand new, 74 million dollar building! I love it. It's modern, it's contemporary, it's 4 times the size of our old Student Union, it's truly State of the Art, and I know I'm gonna enjoy working there a lot more because of that.
So anyway, I must get to bed because I have an early morning ahead of me... Goodnight.
"What Ifs"
Tomorrow (well, technically today) begins the first day of my eighth semester of college here. Wow. I seriously cannot believe how fast it has gone.
I remember being a freshman, and thinking ahead to my senior year was sort of comforting because it was so far away. You know, I thought to myself there was no rush to figure out my life, or even what I wanted to do, because there was plenty of time, and somehow all the answers would come to me by then. I was thinking that I'd know exactly where I wanted to go after graduation, and maybe even have an engagement ring on my finger and someone special with whom to go there with. I thought by the time I was a senior, I'd be "all grown up", and finally have my life figured out. I remember looking up to those seniors then, those 21 and 22 year olds, who at the time seemed like these mature, wise, amazing people who all had worlds of opportunities at their feet.
And here I am, now "that person" that I once looked up to in awe, and I realize how wrong and deluded I was. Because in fact, I do not have the answers. I do not know what I want to do for the rest of my life, or even where I want to go. I'm not engaged. I don't feel grown up, mature, or wise. In all honesty, I feel like in many ways I have taken 2 steps backwards from even who I was as a college freshman. I was optimistic, I was excited. I was ready to take on the world. I knew (or thought I knew) that this was the chapter of my life when finally things would fall into place, when I could really focus on my passion for music, where I would be in a place that would constantly nurture and inspire my sense of being.
I miss that girl. I miss her youthfulness, even her naivety, as deluded as it may have been. I have no answers. I really don't. I have switched majors 3 times, although I have stayed within the music department so at least that's a good thing. I have seriously dated 3 people during my college career, all of whom I thought, at some point, could be "the one". I have made mistakes -- God knows, I have made countless mistakes. I have a lot of regrets, more than I am even comfortable admitting to myself. I wish I knew then what I know now. As college goes on, it's supposed to get easier. It's supposed to get easier! Come on! I survived my teen years, miraculously, and the ONLY way I survived them was looking forward to the future, thinking about college, when I would finally be away from home. I thought getting away from my family, my friends, my all-too-comfortable small town would really give me the chance to spread my wings and fly, and truly become the person I was meant to be all along. It was supposed to get better. It WAS.
Yes, I am angry at the fact that no one told me it wasn't going to get any easier. There are more responsibilities. More things to keep track of. Bills to pay, rent to pay, textbooks to pay for, groceries to buy. Papers to write, deadlines to abide by. Grades and classes in which I have to take full responsibility for my actions -- no excuses, no second chances. This is it.
So here I am, almost 22 years old. 4 years ago, I was looking ahead at my future self, and expecting that person to be finishing her college career, hopefully with at least a 3.5 GPA (definitely not gonna happen), have a clear idea of a career, and a sea of opportunities for being able to acquire a secure job in said career.
I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like I should have done something differently that would have led me to a different path, then perhaps I would maybe be that kind of person today. It's not my last semester. I am not graduating in 4 years. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Yes, I'm still here, still kickin'. And yes, I am still hopeful for the future. It's just not the kind of future that I imagined for myself 4 years ago, even 2 years ago.
Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me? Does everyone always look up to a certain age or milestone, and think to themselves that when we are at the point, we are going to finally be that happy, successful person with all the answers? Or is it just a constant dream we are reaching for, one that's always one step ahead of us, so that it's always just barely out of our grasp? Is that hope what keeps us pushing forward, continually spurring us on? Am I the only one who feels this way? I just feel like life has let me down a bit, teased me with all these hopes, aspirations and expectations of myself, only to finally let me discover that it was all a pipe dream from the get-go. I don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure whether to be ok with that or not. All I know is that it is what it is, and I'm going to try to work with that. Yes, it means I have to rebuild my hopes and expectations of myself. It means re-evaluating my life, and considering different options, ones that I never would have let myself consider before. It means doing a whole lotta soul searching. I guess I'm up for the challenge.
But I think there's always a part of me that will constantly be in search of that future version of myself, the one that "got away", the one I could have been.
I remember being a freshman, and thinking ahead to my senior year was sort of comforting because it was so far away. You know, I thought to myself there was no rush to figure out my life, or even what I wanted to do, because there was plenty of time, and somehow all the answers would come to me by then. I was thinking that I'd know exactly where I wanted to go after graduation, and maybe even have an engagement ring on my finger and someone special with whom to go there with. I thought by the time I was a senior, I'd be "all grown up", and finally have my life figured out. I remember looking up to those seniors then, those 21 and 22 year olds, who at the time seemed like these mature, wise, amazing people who all had worlds of opportunities at their feet.
And here I am, now "that person" that I once looked up to in awe, and I realize how wrong and deluded I was. Because in fact, I do not have the answers. I do not know what I want to do for the rest of my life, or even where I want to go. I'm not engaged. I don't feel grown up, mature, or wise. In all honesty, I feel like in many ways I have taken 2 steps backwards from even who I was as a college freshman. I was optimistic, I was excited. I was ready to take on the world. I knew (or thought I knew) that this was the chapter of my life when finally things would fall into place, when I could really focus on my passion for music, where I would be in a place that would constantly nurture and inspire my sense of being.
I miss that girl. I miss her youthfulness, even her naivety, as deluded as it may have been. I have no answers. I really don't. I have switched majors 3 times, although I have stayed within the music department so at least that's a good thing. I have seriously dated 3 people during my college career, all of whom I thought, at some point, could be "the one". I have made mistakes -- God knows, I have made countless mistakes. I have a lot of regrets, more than I am even comfortable admitting to myself. I wish I knew then what I know now. As college goes on, it's supposed to get easier. It's supposed to get easier! Come on! I survived my teen years, miraculously, and the ONLY way I survived them was looking forward to the future, thinking about college, when I would finally be away from home. I thought getting away from my family, my friends, my all-too-comfortable small town would really give me the chance to spread my wings and fly, and truly become the person I was meant to be all along. It was supposed to get better. It WAS.
Yes, I am angry at the fact that no one told me it wasn't going to get any easier. There are more responsibilities. More things to keep track of. Bills to pay, rent to pay, textbooks to pay for, groceries to buy. Papers to write, deadlines to abide by. Grades and classes in which I have to take full responsibility for my actions -- no excuses, no second chances. This is it.
So here I am, almost 22 years old. 4 years ago, I was looking ahead at my future self, and expecting that person to be finishing her college career, hopefully with at least a 3.5 GPA (definitely not gonna happen), have a clear idea of a career, and a sea of opportunities for being able to acquire a secure job in said career.
I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like I should have done something differently that would have led me to a different path, then perhaps I would maybe be that kind of person today. It's not my last semester. I am not graduating in 4 years. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Yes, I'm still here, still kickin'. And yes, I am still hopeful for the future. It's just not the kind of future that I imagined for myself 4 years ago, even 2 years ago.
Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me? Does everyone always look up to a certain age or milestone, and think to themselves that when we are at the point, we are going to finally be that happy, successful person with all the answers? Or is it just a constant dream we are reaching for, one that's always one step ahead of us, so that it's always just barely out of our grasp? Is that hope what keeps us pushing forward, continually spurring us on? Am I the only one who feels this way? I just feel like life has let me down a bit, teased me with all these hopes, aspirations and expectations of myself, only to finally let me discover that it was all a pipe dream from the get-go. I don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure whether to be ok with that or not. All I know is that it is what it is, and I'm going to try to work with that. Yes, it means I have to rebuild my hopes and expectations of myself. It means re-evaluating my life, and considering different options, ones that I never would have let myself consider before. It means doing a whole lotta soul searching. I guess I'm up for the challenge.
But I think there's always a part of me that will constantly be in search of that future version of myself, the one that "got away", the one I could have been.
1.04.2009
I'm baaacckk!
Alright, I'm back. I wish I could say that I had been on a wonderful vacation, or just needed to take a break from blogging, or that this was something that I planned, but I can't. In all honesty, I just got so busy last semester, with SO many things, and blogging was probably, honestly, my last priority.
I don't know where to start. It was a difficult semester. There were lots of fun times, though. Shortly after my last post was the Inauguration of our new University President. It was a big weekend, full of festivities and concerts, and Mark and I had the opportunity to attend the Inaugural Ball , which was, if you must know, amazing and gorgeous, and held in the most beautiful ballroom I have ever seen. It was just a night of magic. I wore a beautiful royal blue gown, and Mark looked handsome in his tux. When we got there there was a cocktail hour, and of course me being 21, I actually got to drink! yay! Then we all sat down at our respective tables and there was this delicious meal of 5 courses. Then dancing all night long. It was so much fun.
Other highlights of the semester....the following week was Fall Break, and mark and I took our first road trip together. We drove out to Toledo to visit our friend Amanda, and stayed with her for a night and a day. Then drove down to Columbus to visit my grandparents, and stayed with them for a night and a day. it was great fun to travel together and enjoy each other's company, and just relax for a few days. Mark also came home with me for Thanksgiving, which was great, although we were bored a lot because obviously there's nothing to do in Austin. We drove up to Minneapolis for one day, and went to the mall of america, IKEA, and did some window shopping downtown. That was really neat. Thanksgiving was nice, and my brother even came home for a few days. We drove back a few days later, stopping in Chicago to spend the night at Mark's uncle's house. I met a bunch of his relatives and actually had a good time! The next morning we took the train into downtown Chicago. It was a balmy 50 degrees! We went to the outdoor KrisKringle Market, which is this huge German market, selling all these homemade crafts, Christmas ornaments, and original German food. We did some shopping along michigan avenue, took the train back to his uncle's house, and then drove back to Valpo. Lots of good times, lots of memories, lots of love.
The last 3 weeks of class were crazy hectic and busy. Mark and I got asked to play piano at the President's house for a Christmas party he and his wife were hosting, and that was awesome! We had a few other Christmas gigs as well, and it's always fun to do those together. We didn't get to spend a whole lot of time together in the last few weeks because we were so busy with papers, test and finals. We were starting to get on each other's nerves a bit too, you know how that goes when you're really stressed out. So on Saturday December 20th we left Valpo, and I dropped him off at the airport in Chicago so he could catch his flight home. unfortunately, I ran into nasty weather a few hours outside of chicago, it was actually a full-blown blizzard, and I was barely crawling at 30 mph on the interstate. I almost went into the ditch a few times, it was so slippery and I couldn't see. I've never been so terrified driving in my life. i called home, and my parents looked online and saw that a huge storm system was moving through Iowa for the next 2 DAYS, and a whole bunch of roads had already closed down, so there was no was I was getting home. Dad booked me a hotel room in Davenport, IA, which I amazingly got to safely. So, I spent the next 2 days and 2 nights in a hotel room by myself! It was actually a lot more fun than it sounds like. I had just finished a tough semester academically, I was running on little sleep, I was stressed out. So what did i do? Spent the next 2 days watching tv, or Christmas movies on TV, resting, reading, or surfing the internet. I wasn't really lonely at all! I ordered in food, because there was still no way i could drive anywhere. It was a nice way to relax . I finally was able to drive home on Monday, and it was nice to get home. Spent 2 weeks at home with my family relaxing and playing with my sister, and just got back to Valpo a few days ago. Yep. That's my semester in a not-so-small nutshell. mark's still in CA, he flies into Chicago tomorrow, and I'm going to pick him up at the train station. i can't wait to see him! It's weird that for the whole semester, we were never apart for more than a day, because we went on fall break together, and he came home with me for Thanksgiving. It's been over 2 weeks now, and I miss him, but I know we needed the time apart. Hopefully we can jump into this next semester well-rested and ready to face any new challenges. Oh! I almost forgot to mention that we celebrated our 1-year anniversary on November 12th :). We didn't really do a whole lot, because neither of us had much money, but we cooked dinner together, went bowling, and then went to campus to visit the statue that we had our first kiss by ( cue "awww!"). It was really nice, and it was a good feeling to know we accomplished that together. Neither of us has ever been in a relationship that's made it that far. God-willing there will be many more happy years together.
Well, that is about it. Just felt the need to update whoever reads this anyway, haha. It's a new year -- new possibilities, new challenges, a new start for everyone. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to keep up the blog, but i'll try. I hope all of you out there had a Merry Christmas and New Year, and feels encouraged by the upcoming year. I know I am. God's blessings to you all.
I don't know where to start. It was a difficult semester. There were lots of fun times, though. Shortly after my last post was the Inauguration of our new University President. It was a big weekend, full of festivities and concerts, and Mark and I had the opportunity to attend the Inaugural Ball , which was, if you must know, amazing and gorgeous, and held in the most beautiful ballroom I have ever seen. It was just a night of magic. I wore a beautiful royal blue gown, and Mark looked handsome in his tux. When we got there there was a cocktail hour, and of course me being 21, I actually got to drink! yay! Then we all sat down at our respective tables and there was this delicious meal of 5 courses. Then dancing all night long. It was so much fun.
Other highlights of the semester....the following week was Fall Break, and mark and I took our first road trip together. We drove out to Toledo to visit our friend Amanda, and stayed with her for a night and a day. Then drove down to Columbus to visit my grandparents, and stayed with them for a night and a day. it was great fun to travel together and enjoy each other's company, and just relax for a few days. Mark also came home with me for Thanksgiving, which was great, although we were bored a lot because obviously there's nothing to do in Austin. We drove up to Minneapolis for one day, and went to the mall of america, IKEA, and did some window shopping downtown. That was really neat. Thanksgiving was nice, and my brother even came home for a few days. We drove back a few days later, stopping in Chicago to spend the night at Mark's uncle's house. I met a bunch of his relatives and actually had a good time! The next morning we took the train into downtown Chicago. It was a balmy 50 degrees! We went to the outdoor KrisKringle Market, which is this huge German market, selling all these homemade crafts, Christmas ornaments, and original German food. We did some shopping along michigan avenue, took the train back to his uncle's house, and then drove back to Valpo. Lots of good times, lots of memories, lots of love.
The last 3 weeks of class were crazy hectic and busy. Mark and I got asked to play piano at the President's house for a Christmas party he and his wife were hosting, and that was awesome! We had a few other Christmas gigs as well, and it's always fun to do those together. We didn't get to spend a whole lot of time together in the last few weeks because we were so busy with papers, test and finals. We were starting to get on each other's nerves a bit too, you know how that goes when you're really stressed out. So on Saturday December 20th we left Valpo, and I dropped him off at the airport in Chicago so he could catch his flight home. unfortunately, I ran into nasty weather a few hours outside of chicago, it was actually a full-blown blizzard, and I was barely crawling at 30 mph on the interstate. I almost went into the ditch a few times, it was so slippery and I couldn't see. I've never been so terrified driving in my life. i called home, and my parents looked online and saw that a huge storm system was moving through Iowa for the next 2 DAYS, and a whole bunch of roads had already closed down, so there was no was I was getting home. Dad booked me a hotel room in Davenport, IA, which I amazingly got to safely. So, I spent the next 2 days and 2 nights in a hotel room by myself! It was actually a lot more fun than it sounds like. I had just finished a tough semester academically, I was running on little sleep, I was stressed out. So what did i do? Spent the next 2 days watching tv, or Christmas movies on TV, resting, reading, or surfing the internet. I wasn't really lonely at all! I ordered in food, because there was still no way i could drive anywhere. It was a nice way to relax . I finally was able to drive home on Monday, and it was nice to get home. Spent 2 weeks at home with my family relaxing and playing with my sister, and just got back to Valpo a few days ago. Yep. That's my semester in a not-so-small nutshell. mark's still in CA, he flies into Chicago tomorrow, and I'm going to pick him up at the train station. i can't wait to see him! It's weird that for the whole semester, we were never apart for more than a day, because we went on fall break together, and he came home with me for Thanksgiving. It's been over 2 weeks now, and I miss him, but I know we needed the time apart. Hopefully we can jump into this next semester well-rested and ready to face any new challenges. Oh! I almost forgot to mention that we celebrated our 1-year anniversary on November 12th :). We didn't really do a whole lot, because neither of us had much money, but we cooked dinner together, went bowling, and then went to campus to visit the statue that we had our first kiss by ( cue "awww!"). It was really nice, and it was a good feeling to know we accomplished that together. Neither of us has ever been in a relationship that's made it that far. God-willing there will be many more happy years together.
Well, that is about it. Just felt the need to update whoever reads this anyway, haha. It's a new year -- new possibilities, new challenges, a new start for everyone. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to keep up the blog, but i'll try. I hope all of you out there had a Merry Christmas and New Year, and feels encouraged by the upcoming year. I know I am. God's blessings to you all.
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